foxylovepotion's Blog

 

 

 

There's no such thing as a perfect person...   I can tell that I don't have a perfect life but I consider each experience is a lesson and challenge.   In my entire life, I'm well provided with my needs from my family especially their love.   They may consider me as a spoiled brat as the youngest in the family...   I am not young anymore, I'll be 25 this August.   With regard to my relationships with guys I can tell that there was a curse.   I don't know. I had 4 serious relationships with all of my ex's. I am faithful and will give them everything what they want and need from me.   I can say I am very sweet but I can turn into an evil person when I get mad. Guess this is normal to most of us (?)   I don't like failure, I'm not used to it. ... But failure to my relationships is one of the top on my lists!   I have loved every partner I had. I am very choosy and I don't play games to them. I want from a guy who is almost perfect and had everything. I doubt too much! I am selfish.   I have my recent guy now and he doesn't speak straight English,. We met on one of the popular networking accounts just last month. He's 2 years younger than me and had his Birthday last June 21st.   We were so in love (i guess) and the only thing that I asked from him is just communication because we are on a long distance relationship.   Everything went fine. I met his mom through the web cam and he met the members of my family but not all of them. I am serious. I wont be hypocrite but I do believe long distance relationship will never wok for me.   Still, I am telling myself to have faith on this one.   He told me that he will celebrate his birthday on a very nice place in their country with his mom for 10days.   Everyday, I sent him messages and comments on one of the accounts Ive made for him.   I'm perfectly fine with the situation that once I ring him, he will ring me back too. We made a pact and he promised so many things to me. As more mature than him (i know I am), I forced myself to believe him but I don't give a damn hope. It will just be go with the flow and that is what I am doing but still I love him dearly.   There were some days that I'm needing his attention.   Its been more than 10 days now since his vacation (with his mom) but he is not still at home.   I called him last night and asked if everything was fine and he told me not to worry. He sent me messages through my phone but it would be very expensive for the both of us to reply and tell everything what we wanted to tell.   I am depressed. I can tell that he lied to me.   How come he can be online everyday to the account I've made for him and (maybe)read my messages but he did not reply at least once!   He told me that there was a problem on the account. How come it will reflect that he was online within 24hours?...   I am thinking and diverting the fact that he was really a liar.   I am thinking that maybe there was a problem on the account but I know that there's not!   He sent a message to my phone that he will go back to his place this July 12.   I will wait for him to be really online and chat with him.   We haven't met yet in person but we consider ourselves as married already. I know its too early to say that but that's what we feel during our "sweet" moments on the net.   Got so very paranoid to everything but since we exchanged messages  last night till this morning, I'm back to normal again not until what I found out awhile ago.   I saved all his messages and I can tell that I know the pattern or the the way he writes a message but there's this one message on my phone that got my F***KING attention...It was really straight english and sounds like a Filipina way of texting. I am a filipina too.   He told me that he had a friend/classmate in college who's a Filipina.   I know it was not him who really typed the message. I may sound paranoid but I know I cant be wrong on this. Its not doubt or paranoia but its a FACT.   After an hour there's this one message from him and I know it was him.   I don't know if he was just playing games or whatever pleases him!..   What I ask him is just the real score between us. Love or leave me and I will accept it whole heartedly if he will choose the second one.
it is better to tell the truth and get hurt than believe a lie.   I am inlove with him but I can set him free if he will ask me not to love and expect from him at all.   My friends told me that I am beautiful and should find a guy with the same culture and country I have. To start searching and dating. I dont search and  dont date. I am always waiting for the person to give true love and Im thinking it was him. I only focus on one guy and that's him.   I am picky and I think I have the right to be one.   Guess this is another failure and will start cross stitching or planting flowers.  I'm really a hater since my live in partner but I do open my windows but my heart is not totally open to believe that there's REAL LOVE after all the failures I've experienced.   Every guy Im with seem to be perfect for me but they cant really understand the way I love them.   Now, I would love to end up the so called relationship "married status"  with this guy but still I want to hear his side.   I cant be blinded by love again because I have a cold heart and great mind about that.   If explanation is not enough then I will bid farewell.   Accept and move on!   It will hurt me but that's already a reality and consequence to every failed relationships.   Im the kind of person who will find another man until I finally found my broken pieces of my heart to be whole again and always find everything that had happened was a lesson.   Well, I bet i will be hater again.   It's expect the unexpected.   My problem, my solution.   Thanks for reading this.